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Word of the Week (115): CREPANCE (probability 27459), by David Sutton

A CREPANCE is a sore on a horse's hind ankle-joint.

Do not buy a horse. There are just too many things that can wrong with them, quite apart from the fact that they seem completely lacking in such essentials as brakes, a steering wheel, built-in satnav and an MP3 player. Here are just a few of the other afflictions that can befall them.

First, they seem liable to assorted tumours, growths and swellings. An ANBURY or ANGLEBERRY is a soft fleshy tumour in horses. A CAPELLET is a cyst-like swelling on a horse's elbow, or on the back part of the hock. A QUITTOR is a fistulous sore on a horse's hoof. A SPAVIE or SPAVIN is a tumour on a horse's legs, hence the adjective SPAVIET or SPAVINED. A SITFAST is a lump in a horse's skin under the saddle. LAMPAS, LAMPASSE or LAMPERS (plural LAMPERSES) is an inflammation and swelling of the soft parts of the roof of the mouth immediately behind the fore teeth. MALANDER, MALLANDER, MALLENDER or SALLENDERS (n.b. no SALLENDER*) is an eruption of the skin behind a horse's knee. RINGBONE is a morbid growth or deposit of bony matter between or on the small pastern and the great pastern bones. THOROUGHPIN is a swelling of the hocks.

General diseases of horses include DOURINE, EQUINIA, FARCY (which gives FARCIED), GLANDERS (n.b. no GLANDER*, but it does give GLANDERED), HORSEPOX, SURRA, SWEENY (or SWINNEY) and VIVES.

And if none of those manage to nobble your steed, there is always SANDCRACK, a deep crack or fissure in the wall of a horse's hoof, perhaps leaving it STRINGHALTED, that is, affected with STRINGHALT or SPRINGHALT, a jerking lameness in which the horse suddenly twitches up its legs.

And if you think you might be better off spending your money on a cow or sheep, wait till next week.

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